Sunshine & Boobies
Hooray!
I've been trying to control my anger, and my issues with anger, and it's only been a day, but it's made such a difference already!
I went earlier to go see Fiancee on his break at work, and we went outside, and we started talking, and he tells me that his friend is walking up behind us, and not to be startled. I thought, Great. Now I have to deal with his shit. And then I thought, Wait. I don't have to deal with his shit anymore!
He walked right by us, and then came over a second later (on second thought, let me go bother my friend's fiancee who obviously doesn't like me!), and asked if he could have a cigarette there. I let him talk for a little while, and then I said (after he started hawking loogies and talking about how he cheated on his girlfriend, blah, blah, blah), and then I said, "I would appreciate it if you two could hang out together when I'm not here. I come here to be with Fiancee on his (short) breaks."
He was very rude: he made a face, turned on his heel and left. Without one word, or any eye contact. He won't make any eye contact with me anymore, either! Fine with me, now I'm not the one being rude, he is!! Whee, I'm happy. But I need to not let myself make him too miserable, or Fiancee will ask me to stop being mean again, and he'll start defending his friend, AGAIN. Lol. That and I can't deal with my conscience if I'm mean or do something wrong.
What I found to be amazing was the fact that I could feel my anger building up inside while I let him talk. And I had to build up courage to actually say something. When I did, though, I felt better almost immediately. It was really quite an experience, and it proved that I really have had problems with expressing anger.
I had a talk with Fiancee last night about what I'd discovered about myself, also, and he voiced his pride in my finding a fault in myself and being determined to fix it. Not just talking, but doing. It made me very happy. He's proud of me! I felt sad for a minute, because he seemed so relieved about the change I'm making... I thought, why, was I torturing you before? Eek! I hope I'm not THAT hard to deal with... *eyebrow*
Today the weather was amazing! It was about seventy degress outside (the first time since Fall), and I went for a skate, and a walk! It was nice. I've been trying to lose my extra stress poundage, and I got a good workout today. And maybe a little sun on my face, too.
Hooray for sunshine and boobies! (This is my weird humor, just so you know. You're not supposed to get it.)
: )
I've been trying to control my anger, and my issues with anger, and it's only been a day, but it's made such a difference already!
I went earlier to go see Fiancee on his break at work, and we went outside, and we started talking, and he tells me that his friend is walking up behind us, and not to be startled. I thought, Great. Now I have to deal with his shit. And then I thought, Wait. I don't have to deal with his shit anymore!
He walked right by us, and then came over a second later (on second thought, let me go bother my friend's fiancee who obviously doesn't like me!), and asked if he could have a cigarette there. I let him talk for a little while, and then I said (after he started hawking loogies and talking about how he cheated on his girlfriend, blah, blah, blah), and then I said, "I would appreciate it if you two could hang out together when I'm not here. I come here to be with Fiancee on his (short) breaks."
He was very rude: he made a face, turned on his heel and left. Without one word, or any eye contact. He won't make any eye contact with me anymore, either! Fine with me, now I'm not the one being rude, he is!! Whee, I'm happy. But I need to not let myself make him too miserable, or Fiancee will ask me to stop being mean again, and he'll start defending his friend, AGAIN. Lol. That and I can't deal with my conscience if I'm mean or do something wrong.
What I found to be amazing was the fact that I could feel my anger building up inside while I let him talk. And I had to build up courage to actually say something. When I did, though, I felt better almost immediately. It was really quite an experience, and it proved that I really have had problems with expressing anger.
I had a talk with Fiancee last night about what I'd discovered about myself, also, and he voiced his pride in my finding a fault in myself and being determined to fix it. Not just talking, but doing. It made me very happy. He's proud of me! I felt sad for a minute, because he seemed so relieved about the change I'm making... I thought, why, was I torturing you before? Eek! I hope I'm not THAT hard to deal with... *eyebrow*
Today the weather was amazing! It was about seventy degress outside (the first time since Fall), and I went for a skate, and a walk! It was nice. I've been trying to lose my extra stress poundage, and I got a good workout today. And maybe a little sun on my face, too.
Hooray for sunshine and boobies! (This is my weird humor, just so you know. You're not supposed to get it.)
: )
posted by Sea Change at 8:50 PM
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