Hmm. I'm not sure what to think of the past few days.

I sent Fiancee's friend that letter, and I expected it to be taken seriously, and that some changes would be made. But all that's happened, is his friend has gained more power over Fiancee. I think I took the wrong approach, but really, Fiancee was the one who decided I should write him a letter.

I don't know what to do about this now. Fiancee asked me if I could see this all from his perspective, and just think about it while he was at work. I thought I was seeing it from his perspective! Just mostly mine, because in my family, if you're a woman, you have to protect your rights and your feelings or people will walk ALL over them.

I want to explain this all to Fiancee, but I'm afraid that he will just take it as another excuse for not liking his friend.

That, and I'm supposed to be thinking about his perspective of all of this today...

I think we both need to read the Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus book again. I read it, but then if he's not on the same page as I am (no pun intended), then I feel like I'm the only one putting work into working through tough problems.

How the hell am I supposed to make the best of all of this? And without sacrificing my learning how to be assertive, at the same time. (That is important to me on such a level because of my upbringing -- my mom was trampled ALL over, and still is. Therefore, it's a little more emotional and has more depth than it would normally.) (And I don't like it...)

I also think that I'm considering all of this on a more serious level, because Fiancee was wanting to go get married over the weekend, because we've been engaged for a year and a half. I went along with the idea for a couple hours, and then I started thinking of what it would mean, and everything that would change. I feel I have a lot more growing up to do before I make such a serious decision. I want the time to be right. I am positive I want to marry Fiancee, though. Although I don't feel so sure when he says all the wrong things! Ugh. We need to figure each other out, and I felt we had figured most everything out already! I was sure wrong about that. I also feel that we need to make everything right between our parents before we do this, also. Trouble with in-laws is bad news.

If Fiancee's friend were more considerate of our space, I wouldn't have as much of a problem with him. But he's got ADHD, and he's bipolar! And he's on drugs! And he just moved into our apartment complex. I feel like he's taking all of Fiancee's attention. I feel like the bad guy, also.

I just sometimes have a hard time figuring out if I'm right to feel this way, or if I'm completely wrong and jealous. I am easily manipulated, and I think that his friend is playing games with me now. I got really emotional today, and told Fiancee that he better keep his friend in line, or I'm leaving. And that I don't want to marry someone who doesn't stick up for my feelings, and understand me a little better, rather than stick up for his friend, and defend him instead of try to understand ME. I told him I'm #1 and his friend is #2, or I'm leaving and he is not the man I want to marry.

I think I got his attention. I'm tired of having to get his attention though.

I was raised around a woman who didn't really stick up for herself, and used her frailty as a handicap... so I really am very confused on how to handle men when you're considering marrying, and all of the stuff involving his friends and my friends.

Meh!