Growing up is hard to do.

Man, it is hard to be okay with being alone sometimes. It's the hardest at night, I must say. I got a book that is basically about being okay with being alone, but so far it has not been helping. I think that it will be easier when I am set up to live somewhere that is not temporary, and not so fucking huge. I am living in my parents' old house, and it's about 1500sf. And I am reconnecting with old friends, and that is not easy, either. I have been so comfortable living in Lakewood with HB that now I'm tearing myself away from the comfort, and I have to make a new comfort, and it has been really hard. I am one of those people that is always around other people. Always. So this is weird and uncomfortable for me. Every once in a while I just want to throw myself at HB again, and move back in with him so that I can go back to everything being easy. But then I remember that things were not easy, they were just comfortable, because I've been there for a year and a half. And my parents are always around, and my mother is an emotional wreck, and she is rubbing off on me again. And she and my dad tell each other EVERYTHING, as I had forgotten, so I can't tell her things, either, unless I want her interpretation of what I tell her getting back to my dad. And I don't. You have to keep things on a certain level with my dad, or he gets too much control, and things are no longer hunky-dory. I miss HB, and I miss my old life, as much as my new life will be better, I still miss the old life. It's hard growing up.