My hometown

I have been staying at my parents' house for almost a week now!

Patrick and I came to a fork in the road when I stopped threatening to leave and stay with my parents, and actually fuckin' just did it, instead of threatening. If you don't do what you say you might do, then your threats mean nothing, and I got tired of feeling like a pussy. That, and feeling like a yo-yo.

Long story short, I got tired of not getting the respect I feel I am warranted, not to mention being told that I don't do enough around the house and in the relationship to warrant my opinion being heard, and advice to be taken note of. At least that's how I felt when I was about to leave.

I did a lot of thinking and mulling, and had several talks with Fiancee over the phone, and I decided that I had asked for a lot of the treatment he'd been giving me -- although it's no excuse to be getting that particular treatment anyway. But the fact is --

YOU teach people how you want to be treated.

YOU, and no one else. And I've decided it's time for me to take responsibility, instead of blaming others for how I taught them to treat me. It's silly, really.

I've been having an interesting, but overall, nice time being with my parents, and hanging out in my hometown. I've been mostly helping my dad with digging ditches with his little tractor, painting trim and exterior siding, etcetera. And helping to break the barrier of communication between my parents.

I understand both of my parents usually, and this week, I've had to "translate" for them, just so they would GET what each other way saying. It is kind of sad, but I suppose there aren't many people who really establish good communication in a relationship any more. My mom is depressed, and when you're depressed, as I have experience myself, you can't really differentiate between rational and irrational thoughts, and sometimes you need a little help. That, and you feel guilt for taking care of yourself, and those sort of things. My mom and I are very alike, so I've been able to help her, although it's so strange to me, being so young, and feeling like everyone else in the family just sits and watches the show rather than, after so long of seeing what's been going on, and habits forming over time, to actually SAY something or DO something in some way to help, without seeming like you're helping!!!

Anyway, it's king of mind-boggling, doing this, being here... but I suppose after your parents raise you and go through so much shit in doing it, they are entitled to some TLC themselves. But I'm starting to feel like a referree (sp?) instead of a daughter who cares. It's about time for me to split and go back home. I miss Fiancee, anyway. Plus, I need to go home to take care of my stupid landlord. I was raised hearing about tenants and rent and all this crap, and she can't even communicate with me. She was supposed to hold onto a check until a certain time, and then cash it. Now she's trying to tell me I owe her a late fee now.

Meh. My mind is a bit scrambled, and I need to go let it rest and defragment for a while.

I all the sudden just got really tired.